Responsibility Gene?

Is there one? If there is should those without it be on tethers? Seriously, I frequently wonder whether this is another item in the Nature vs. Nurture debate. As I've written before I see a lot of the problems our society faces as being directly a consequence of a failure to take responsibility for oneself and for our actions as a whole. In the last few weeks I've had a lot of reason to think about it again in two completely different settings.

The first was in Phoenix. I've gone out a fair amount with a lot of folks and generally deal well with it as long as things stay reasonably sane. When they leave my realm of sanity, which does include behavior I don't participate in or think good but recognize as a option each has a right to choose, I start to feel in some way responsible for what happens. So far nothing seriously bad has happened, but I still always feel in some way responsible when folks I'm with take the less good approach. How does this relate to being out with a bunch of other pros? I enjoy, to some extent, going out for the evening, but I do recognize that the time does need to end. This time came about 1am that night yet there was this "great" idea to keep going until everything closed. Considering that some still had class later that morning, this wasn't their best plan. I got a ride back from one of the guys before they continued on, but started to feel guilty about doing so.

Guilty? This on the surface felt right, but on reflection made no sense. How on earth am I responsible for the decisions of others, especially folks I don't know particularly well? I'm not, at least in this instance, yet it's funny how that feeling comes up. It was phrased well as we talked about it on the way back to the hotel as that duty to never leave a man behind. While I wasn't in the military where this concept is usually brought up, it still sums up the essence of being loyal to ones companions and accepting the responsibility of supporting them. Scouting, I think, imbued this most deeply into me. The challenge is that the basic response is so deep set that I tend to automatically apply it when it will do little good. It works well when the folks I'm working with have the mutual respect and trust that I intercede not to preach o punish, but only out of concern for their well being. This tendency led to the various monikers I picked up in my home lodge of "Voice of Moral Reasoning", "Master Splinter", or "Yoda" during my tenure there and still hear those terms now from that core of brothers I still am in touch with.

I'd save myself a lot of frustration if I could let myself not feel responsible for the actions of those I associate with, but that would not be me leaving me sometimes between a rock and a hard place.

A rather different way I've seen the abdication of responsibility strike hard lately is in working with parents whose sons have left Scouting. One of the most common answers is "He's really busy so we let him choose what he wanted to do...". At this point it's all I can do not to ask how a 9 year old can possibly know what is best for them. I realize that if a kid doesn't enjoy doing something that it's hard to get them to keep it up, but when they do enjoy it how is it fair to them to expect to choose. The worst part is that it's the parents who let the kid get so over involved in the first place. When they get to the point of having their child "decide" what to be involved in, the parent has no one to blame but themselves for the decisions that led to being so busy yet they make the kid responsible for solving the problem. Great act of abdication and a great example of how to just up and dump a commitment that you make just because it's no longer convenient. It really drives me nuts when the dad I'm talking to is an Eagle Scout, who else should understand how much of a difference Scouting can make to a young man's life. Scouting is so deeply imbued in my values and views that I honestly cannot separate who I am from what I learned in these last 20 years.

I really could rant on this longer and probably more clearly, but you get the point. I'll leave you with two somewhat related quotes actually on duty:

“Do not confuse "duty" with what other people expect of you; they are utterly different. Duty is a debt you owe to yourself to fulfill obligations you have assumed voluntarily. Paying that debt can entail anything from years of patient work to instant willingness to die. Difficult it may be, but the reward is self-respect.”
---Time Enough for Love; Robert Heinlein

“I came to realize that life lived to help others is the only one that matters and that it is my duty, in return for the lavish life God has devolved upon me, to help others He has placed in my path. This is my highest and best use as a human. Faith is not believing that God can. It is knowing that God will.”
--Ben Stein, from his last “Monday Night at Morton’s” column

Until later, be responsible for who you are and what you choose to do.

Escape to Warmth

Ooh, pretty sunset... In the continuing saga of leveraging training seminars to visit different places, I spent the last week in sunny, warm Arizona while it was snowing in Sheboygan. Starting on Saturday the 7th, I flew out to Phoenix where I picked up a rental car and drove to Tucson for two days.

For those who don’t recall, Tucson is my birthplace but I hadn’t been there since I was 4. It’s about 100 miles south of the airport in Phoenix, but at 80 mph it doesn’t take all that long to get there. The rental car was a ’07 Dodge Caliber. It wasn’t bad. It was well-equipped for an entry-level model but could use some more power as it ran at about 3000 rpm at 80 mph on the freeway in level terrain. It was sprightly enough to get the job done, but those gerbils sure got tired running on their wheel.

While in Tucson, I had three goals in mind: visit the Titan Museum, the Pima Air Museum and see the sunset. I achieved all three. First stop on Easter morning was the Titan Museum that is about 20 miles south of town past the “Warning Strong Winds and Blowing Dust” signs. The Titan Missile Museum is home to the last intact Titan II Intercontinental Ballistic Missile; one that my dad served on crew for while he was in the Air Force. It was pretty neat, although the really cool tour is an overnight that is only infrequently offered and definitely not on Easter Sunday. The highlight was getting to turn the missile launch key from the commander’s chair. For better or worse, nothing was smote in nuclear hellfire when I turned that key.

Next stop was the Pima Air Museum home to one of the largest collections of US military aircraft in the country. One thing did not occur to me; where is the best place to display aircraft in a dry, warm climate? Outside of course. What did I get? A sunburn as usual. The museum was pretty cool, but being Easter, the grill was closed so I was starved by the time I left.

Now I realize it may be a little odd, but I then drove past the first house I lived in and took a picture of it. The neighborhood is densely packed and sincerely lacking in grass which is overall a feature of the region. After a lot of driving around using the Force for directions as I did not have a map I found Gates Pass, a place known for its awesome sunsets (the first picture). I got there way early for sunset and hiked around progressively higher up the hills until I found a great vantage point where I captured several great shots. The next morning I drove back to Phoenix to return the car and head to class.

I was actually in Phoenix for “work”. Training, to be particular, this time I took People Management 2. Overall it was a good course with some entertaining role playing scenarios and good conversation with the other pros in attendance. My roommate was actually a guy from Pueblo, CO who I had been in class with before that I got along with well. One of the other guys in the class was also in a previous class and happened to have rented a car for the whole week. The other folks in class were pretty cool too. One of them was close to being smote with righteous anger by Thursday, but that was due in some part to my tolerance level being low with a lack of sleep.

As is becoming the case at training, I spent every evening out with classmates. The first night was class so we actually were free to roam for the first time on Tuesday and went out to the Diamondbacks baseball game with some great seats purchased by a classmate from the Chicago area. The next two nights were spent at the same bar with my roommate and other folks. The first night we stopped in downtown Tempe which is also the main street for Arizona State University. It was easily one of the neatest and coolest college main streets I’ve ever been to. Back to the bar, it was really rather unique with 4 separate rooms including an 80’s lounge, karaoke room, hip hop hot spot and, in the largest area, a country bar with a huge dance floor and lots of pool tables. The first night we were there all of the rooms were open and bottled beer could be had for a quarter a bottle and there were several amazing barmaids wearing some eye-catching outfits that kept me distracted all night long. The second night only the country part was open so a lot of pool was played and people watched. Suffice it to say I was not in very early any of the nights.

While I was at the seminar, the weather was mostly warm in the 80’s and arid with plentiful, invigorating sunshine. It actually took a few days for my body to adapt to the aridity of the air and drinking more water to counterbalance it. The weather felt great but I can’t imagine what 122 feels like in the summer. We did have a spot of less good weather on Thursday evening with a dust storm with 40+ mph winds followed by a rainstorm but it was nice again by Friday morning.

Returning home was much more interesting than necessary. The first leg from Phoenix to Denver was boring. It got more interesting in Denver. First they overbooked the flight and asked for volunteers to fly out on Saturday in exchange for a hotel room and free flight anywhere in the US within the next year. Great deal, so I was first in line for it. The only not so useful part to note here is that I checked my bag with my clothes and personal kit in it which meant I was stuck with what I had in my computer bag and the clothes I was wearing. I was told to wait until they boarded and I would be informed then if I needed to stay. Fine, so I sat around. About the time the plane was due to board, the mechanics went first. Almost 3 hours later they announced that the flight would be delayed another hour and that we volunteers were being taken up on our offer of seats. After a bit of work I arrived at the hotel assigned for an unexpected night in Denver. Disappointingly it was too late to do anything much by the time I got to the hotel.

When I got back to the airport in the morning I found that I lucked out in leaving when I did as they ended up canceling the flight completely so I was reunited with my fellow terminal residents briefly before my flight left. What I didn't initially think about after hearing that the original flight was canceled was that my checked bag was on that plane. Conveniently it arrived on the rescheduled flight into Milwaukee about 30 minutes after I did.

That pretty much covers the trip. There is more to tell with conclusions drawn and abounding deep thoughts, but I'll save that for the next post.