Responsibility Gene?

Is there one? If there is should those without it be on tethers? Seriously, I frequently wonder whether this is another item in the Nature vs. Nurture debate. As I've written before I see a lot of the problems our society faces as being directly a consequence of a failure to take responsibility for oneself and for our actions as a whole. In the last few weeks I've had a lot of reason to think about it again in two completely different settings.

The first was in Phoenix. I've gone out a fair amount with a lot of folks and generally deal well with it as long as things stay reasonably sane. When they leave my realm of sanity, which does include behavior I don't participate in or think good but recognize as a option each has a right to choose, I start to feel in some way responsible for what happens. So far nothing seriously bad has happened, but I still always feel in some way responsible when folks I'm with take the less good approach. How does this relate to being out with a bunch of other pros? I enjoy, to some extent, going out for the evening, but I do recognize that the time does need to end. This time came about 1am that night yet there was this "great" idea to keep going until everything closed. Considering that some still had class later that morning, this wasn't their best plan. I got a ride back from one of the guys before they continued on, but started to feel guilty about doing so.

Guilty? This on the surface felt right, but on reflection made no sense. How on earth am I responsible for the decisions of others, especially folks I don't know particularly well? I'm not, at least in this instance, yet it's funny how that feeling comes up. It was phrased well as we talked about it on the way back to the hotel as that duty to never leave a man behind. While I wasn't in the military where this concept is usually brought up, it still sums up the essence of being loyal to ones companions and accepting the responsibility of supporting them. Scouting, I think, imbued this most deeply into me. The challenge is that the basic response is so deep set that I tend to automatically apply it when it will do little good. It works well when the folks I'm working with have the mutual respect and trust that I intercede not to preach o punish, but only out of concern for their well being. This tendency led to the various monikers I picked up in my home lodge of "Voice of Moral Reasoning", "Master Splinter", or "Yoda" during my tenure there and still hear those terms now from that core of brothers I still am in touch with.

I'd save myself a lot of frustration if I could let myself not feel responsible for the actions of those I associate with, but that would not be me leaving me sometimes between a rock and a hard place.

A rather different way I've seen the abdication of responsibility strike hard lately is in working with parents whose sons have left Scouting. One of the most common answers is "He's really busy so we let him choose what he wanted to do...". At this point it's all I can do not to ask how a 9 year old can possibly know what is best for them. I realize that if a kid doesn't enjoy doing something that it's hard to get them to keep it up, but when they do enjoy it how is it fair to them to expect to choose. The worst part is that it's the parents who let the kid get so over involved in the first place. When they get to the point of having their child "decide" what to be involved in, the parent has no one to blame but themselves for the decisions that led to being so busy yet they make the kid responsible for solving the problem. Great act of abdication and a great example of how to just up and dump a commitment that you make just because it's no longer convenient. It really drives me nuts when the dad I'm talking to is an Eagle Scout, who else should understand how much of a difference Scouting can make to a young man's life. Scouting is so deeply imbued in my values and views that I honestly cannot separate who I am from what I learned in these last 20 years.

I really could rant on this longer and probably more clearly, but you get the point. I'll leave you with two somewhat related quotes actually on duty:

“Do not confuse "duty" with what other people expect of you; they are utterly different. Duty is a debt you owe to yourself to fulfill obligations you have assumed voluntarily. Paying that debt can entail anything from years of patient work to instant willingness to die. Difficult it may be, but the reward is self-respect.”
---Time Enough for Love; Robert Heinlein

“I came to realize that life lived to help others is the only one that matters and that it is my duty, in return for the lavish life God has devolved upon me, to help others He has placed in my path. This is my highest and best use as a human. Faith is not believing that God can. It is knowing that God will.”
--Ben Stein, from his last “Monday Night at Morton’s” column

Until later, be responsible for who you are and what you choose to do.